I'm still in a low, funky mood tonight and therefore feel compelled to write more. Since third year started, I've experienced periods where my sleep is completely off. Not because of call schedules and long hours. In fact, I've come to love post-call days in a perverted way because the exhaustion makes for such solid, dream-less sleep. No, I think my problem is "sensory overload." Much for third year is so novel and raw. On gyn onc, it was the open laparotomies where we'd literally be digging and pulling out chunks of tumor - ovarian cancer - in 40 year olds. In peds, it was kids with anorexia, CP, kidney failure. In psych, well, psych is constantly sensory overload. Even radiology didn't spare me, as I'd spin stories from the films - patients with traumatic brain injury and the like. And it's not limited to patient experiences. Even day to day interactions with residents, attendings, and the rest of the clinical environment can be challenging.
In the hospital, it's usually go, go, go, and I end up unconsciously suppressing whatever reaction I have to a situation out of necessity. Things I don't even realize affect me at the time reveal themselves at night. Nighttime is when I do the processing, the reflection, and yes, sometimes the ruminating. It does not make for good sleep. I suppose medical training is about character building, but right now, I have yet to build a thick enough teflon coat.
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